Frozen

A one of those weekends that make you think, "I'm here, but I don't feel it at all". When your body is all there, you can feel the world working around you but your mind refuses to accept that you're even alive at all. I can't put into words how scary it is when everything is going 10x faster than it should, you're frozen to the floor as your body slows down to a complete stand still by somehow speeding itself up. It's a collision of two polar opposites, you stand still while the pace everything seems to go forces your heart to pummel, over beat, and the gradual numbness of each limb creates the complete feeling motionless.
Twice that's happened now.
It's like a waking paralysis, if you've ever had the sleep version.

Two pieces of sad news over the weekend of people struggling to cope day to day, and as a result, sadly taking their own lives. Nobody knew of their struggle, or even if there was one, until everything came to an end. If this was to ever be you in that situation, as I have, and many millions before, talk to someone. Anyone, before it does become too late.
That's the key, before it's too late. It's easy to ignore a problem, but when it's on an emotional level, it has a way of manifesting itself into something much more, and becomes something else entirely.

You're never alone, it's only ever if you leave things so past far gone that you'll ever feel it.


Ethereal, as if smoke,
Thick, black dense fog making you choke,
Abated breath, a giant sigh,
You lay and ask the world why,
What have you done to force this hand,
What have you done to wear this brand,
It shows, and threatens like a bull,
And charges down looking to cull,
To strike down false labels worn,
False that you could have sworn,
For it feels truer than ever else,
No comprehension, your brain melts,
It's not for a path for you to walk,
Without that friend to sit and talk.


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The World's Longest week

After really does seem like an eternity, this week is finally over with. The losing of jobs, moving of roles within the same job, and all the stress that came with it has been unbearable. No, it wasn't me who lost the job but I feel like I've been put far enough through the ringer that it may as well have been and then some.

I have gradually more and more been putting how things have transpired particularly over the last couple of weeks into words so expect an influx of feelings with maybe a dash of purpose over the coming months, and in my new job role I'll have a lot more free time in which to write more creatively and put way more thought into it than I ever have been able to do.

Every cloud has a silver lining, but it's finding that precious glint within the mountain of uncertainty that's the challenge, I don't really want to find out what will happen over the next month or so but I don't have a choice in the matter either. People around me remain optimistic to a degree I would not think possible, I just hope that shines a light of hope that I can cling onto as well.


Excuses, I try to make,
To renew myself, for goodness sake,
Escape monotony and start anew,
I thought, past this, I'd grew,
That constant looming, snarling tomb,
Encasing not only me, but you too,
Putting myself out on a limb,
Yet worry stays and things look grim,
How on earth are you so calm?
Assuring me there is no harm,
But you know me, and how I work,
Forefront of my mind, is getting worse.